Please lie if you have to.

I know I am leaning on you guys really heavily. You have been amazing. I worked very, very hard on this relationship so that I would never have to be alone again, and I feel like I am in a nightmare.

My boyfriend before this one, for all his flaws, just loved me more than anything. He made a fool out of himself begging for me back, even while I was in this last relationship. He bought me books he heard about and thought I'd like. He sat in bed on weekend mornings and acted silly with me. It was too hard to be with someone who didn't show that kind of vulnerability and enthusiasm.

I know I have a long life ahead of me but I am in a place where I can't put that in perspective. I was doing so well; I did this myself. It was my choice.