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Important kid lessons

What’s an important lesson you learned before age 10 or so? Share them here! (TW: Mine involves a lot of talk of bodily fluids)

Mine is: We don’t throw up in front of guests!

When I was little, I threw up all the time. Whenever I got excited (birthday, Christmas, vacation), I’d barf. And not just once but for, like, a week before the big event.*

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Once, when I was about 7, my favorite uncle in the whole wide world, Uncle Awesome, was coming for a visit. I only got to see Uncle Awesome once a year so it was a big deal. So, of course, I started upchucking a few days before his arrival.

Because I threw up so much, my mom would set me up on the couch with a big bowl, in case I didn’t make it to the bathroom. This turned into me just horking in front of the family because I was too lazy to run to the toilet.

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So, the big night comes, Uncle Awesome shows up, my mom lets him in, and I start smiling and puking. “Uncle [hnnnnuhhhnnn] Awesome, Uncle [hurrrrnhhh] Awesome!” Out of nowhere, my mom swoops down, grabs me up, bowl and all, and starts running for the bathroom.

Wide eyed and gagging, I manage to ask my mom, “Where are we going?! I wanna see Uncle Awesome!!”

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Still running, Mom replies, “We don’t throw up in front of company. It’s rude!”

Seven-year-old me tucks this lil gem away for future reference; not throwing up in front of company, in the moment, seems the height of class and elegance.

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And, I’ll have you know, I still live up to my mom’s expectations by not chundering in front of company today. Because I’m a fuckin’ lady.

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How about you? What’s a memorable childhood lesson that you still rely on today?

*Homey thinks this is really weird but my youngest brother had a similar thing, only he’d break out in hives when he was excited. My parents were soooo lucky! Can you imagine the week before Christmas at our house?

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