Pretty much any time a story comes up about anyone ordering food (particularly - gasp! - fat people ordering food), some genius chimes in with the fact that ignorant diners in denial are always ordering the most unhealthy items on the menu with a Diet Coke to drink. These people are utter fools who think that getting a Diet Coke with their meal will make it healthy, they say. Hahaha! Idiots!

As a person who orders Diet Coke with pizza, cheeseburgers, cheeseburger pizzas, and sometimes even with breakfast, I feel personally affronted and want to clear something up: I do not think that Diet Coke will make my meal healthy. I'm well aware that diet soda is, itself, unhealthy, and certainly does not contain negative calories to offset my cheese fries. Diet soda is just what I like to drink, but sugared soda does still contain plenty of calories that I'd rather consume in the form of bacon strips or guacamole - no, that's not my primary motivation for ordering diet, but it's also not insignificant enough to mock people for.

I like how Diet Coke tastes and it's my goddamn meal so mind your own business.

So: what's making you feel unjustly judged today?