My in laws are kinda, sorta, maybe driving me batshit fucking nuts.
I’ve spoken, briefly and rarely, about my MiL here. I don’t want to go back and rehash every little thing she’s done/said that’s effed up. I will say, over the last few months, while her son’s been laid up with a broken leg, she’s come to our house to help out once for about an hour and a half. Which was nice, for sure—it definitely was much needed. Only, my mom came over about 8 times and my dad was over nearly daily for the first month. Like, why is it my parents’ job to tend to your son?
MiL has also managed to openly “struggle” with her upcoming birthday party plans (“Who should I invite?” “What should we eat?” “What should we do?” “I hope we have nice weather!”) at every family event over the last few months. Brief reminder: over the last few months, all Homey’s family events have been terrible! She was doing her coy, “party girl” routine while Homey was in a hospital bed, waking up from anesthesia; the night of Homey’s bio-dad’s death, as we all sat around reminiscing, she was focused on her party menu; and while standing over her own current husband’s hospital bed, after his second major heart attack. I mean, really: her husband’s grimacing in pain, literally scared for his life, laying in a hospital bed, with a bunch of machines hooked up to him, and she’s planning her guest list.
On top of all of this, she’s the worst grandmother: she cultivates competitiveness amongst her own kids when it comes to their parenting. She does this by talking shit about all the sibling-in-laws’ parenting but never to their faces. So, the minute one of Homey’s siblings leaves the room, she’ll turn to the others and say stuff like, “Can you believe how he talks to his daughter? I feel bad for her,” getting the other siblings to join in the judgment.
This has made all of Homey’s siblings really, really sensitive about their own parenting and their kids. How could it not? I mean, they all have to be wondering, “What kind of shit is my mom talking about me and my kids when I leave the room?”
Last night was Younger Niece’s birthday. We were invited to the party via FB; neither of us uses FB (nor have we, for years! I don’t think Homey’s account is even findable any more!). Instead of texting or calling to verify our attendance some time before the event, we got a call as all the family was sitting down to dinner in a restaurant. And we got a guilt trip, “Younger Niece really, really wanted you to be here. It’s just too bad. Mom even came and everything” (their mom lives about half an hour from us—it’s not that frickin’ hard to get here).
WTF. Who does this? If you really want people at your event, you’ll call or text or mention during the 3 hours you spent together the night before the event and let them know. I can’t help but feel that this is some sort of “show” for their mom because she’s cultivated this horrible sibling rivalry. Like, “See, Homey’s not that good of an uncle.” (Homey is very clearly her favorite: she makes no attempt to hide this, whatsoever—I totally get why his siblings resent his relationship with his mom.)
Also, as punishment for not attending Younger Niece’s party, either Homey’s brother, SiL, or mother gave his Older Niece his phone number. For context: MiL is all about letting kids do whatever the hell they want with basically no repercussions. This niece is a product of that type of parenting: intolerably self-centered and demanding. She runs her household and the parents basically praise and thank her for the privilege of serving her needs. I wish this were an exaggeration. But, hey, MiL thinks this is how it should be done, so they’re always one leg up in the parenting competition!
So, last night, Older Niece texted Homey about 10 times in an hour, demanding that we leave the social event we were at (you know, the one that we were actually invited to?) to come hang out with her. Being bossed around by a 12-year-old via text is not cute and it certainly doesn’t make me or Homey want to go hang.
Not to mention, it’s fucking rude to continue to demand our attention in that way, at all, let alone when we’re guests in someone else’s home, as was made clear to her in the response to her first text!
The maddening thing is, I know that his brother and mom were egging her on, thinking it was adorable and hilarious.
Frankly, we don’t hang out with them often because the kids are beyond obnoxious. And I’m pissed that she now has his number. Because thanks to her grandma and parents, she has no boundaries and the full expectation that she now gets to be the center of our world, too. FFS.
Sorry, I know this got ridiculously long. I’m just so, so done with the horrible family dynamics they have!