I present to you: the "Thermawrap skirt."

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Dear Montbell: what. I don't even have the energy to put a question mark after that. WHAT IS THIS. Description:

Ideal for lounging in front of the fire on an alpine hut trip, this versatile insulated skirt is sure to be a conversation starter. Throw it on over your long underwear after a day of skiing or wear it alone when it is just too cold for a traditional skirt. It also makes a perfect ultra light backcountry pillow.

- "Ideal for lounging...conversation starter" — okay, so you're admitting this is just a lifestyle statement or whatever, yeah? Like, this has no business existing except to say I AM OUTDOORSY EVEN AT REST. Also, how is this "versatile?" I have a feeling you're going to tell me. I have a feeling you're wrong.

-"Throw it on over your long underwear after a day of skiing." This sounds suspiciously like you're trying to make the case that this skirt has a function? Also, are we still on the hut trip in this scenario? Are you telling me to bring an extra item of clothing that I didn't really need before on a multi-day trip?

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-"Wear it alone when it is just too cold for a traditional skirt." Okay, wait. By "wear it alone" do you mean without long underwear (previously mentioned) or tights or whatever? Are you asking me to wear an insulated skirt while bare-legged? Why?! Further: if it is "too cold for a traditional skirt" I am just going to wear PANTS.

-"It also makes a perfect ultra light backcountry pillow." Shut up, no it doesn't. In order to be a skirt, this insulation layer is really thin, which is the opposite of a "perfect" pillow. If I want a backcountry pillow, I will take a pillow, for its pillow-like qualities.

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Basically, Montbell, there is a reason this was in your clearance section. This has no function nor a place in a civilized society; you have committed a crime both against functional outdoor apparel and gear AND fashion. For the love of god, I hope you learn from your mistakes.

Sincerely,

BlueJeans