*not that I think it would be, but I'd prefer if this isn't mainpaged*

The backstory here is that I work for a big, evil corporation. Except not really. The folks who work here really care about our customers and are trying (sometimes failing, admittedly), to do the right thing.

I work in an area where I do help to create new products. I do research on both the front side (market) and the middle and back (product evaluation). But I've been much more focused on the back end lately, a little middle, and not-very-much front because JESUS CHRIST I AM ONLY ONE PERSON. In another life, another iteration of my life at my job (about 2-3 years ago), I focused solely on the front.

At that time we were approached by a vendor who told us about this new, great product that they could develop. But the data wasn't there. The market share wasn't there. The back-end projections of customer satisfaction weren't there (outside of the fact that we could make a shit ton of money). We're here for the money, yeah, we're evil after all, but come on man, if the overall happiness of our customers isn't taken into account we're not gonna be making the money for long. We decided to slow down research in favor of other products. They started to get pushy. They'd call me every week, sometimes multiple times a week, inquiring about the product. I'd say "we're not moving forward at this time, please contact us next quarter when we re-evaluate." This eventually moved to a "we're not moving forward, ever. Please stop calling."

Then they started calling our.... we'll say "franchises." They're calling our franchises and name-dropping me, telling them I had totally ok'd this product and we just needed a few pilot... franchises, and would they be willing to be the pilot group? This is a new and exciting opportunity! Our franchises have a fraught relationship with Home Office, particularly at that time. I started getting angry phone calls - how dare I just decide what products they would sell? How dare I develop a product and not involve them at all? When do I expect them to start offering this product? Why would I not have the balls to call them myself, instead of sending the vendor to them? DON'T I KNOW THEY'RE TOO BUSY FOR THIS?


I was a peon. I prepared research for other people to use to make decisions. I don't tell anyone what to do, I only relay messages. And I need these franchisees to be happy with me in order to do my job effectively. It was a hot mess. We ended the relationship and in no uncertain terms informed them that they will not only stop calling me, they will stop calling our campuses, and we sent the word out to all of our franchises to not return any calls from this particular vendor and to report any calls coming in.

Fast forward two years - they call me today. I sit politely through the first part of their schpiel. They name-drop people from more reputable organizations with whom we do have a (courteous and mutually-beneficial) relationship. I eventually cut them off and say "I'm going to stop you there. Here is the situation: previously, we had started to build a relationship with your organization. However, you did not allow us to do things on our own timeline. We are not at your beck and call, we would have potentially been your customer, but we are not interested in rolling out a product that does not meet the desired outcomes for our customers. After that, you harassed us by calling us continually, and harassed our franchisees by calling them and trying to enroll them in a pilot that was never happening. This did damage to my professional relationships, because I was the one you were name-dropping. I know you have me in your database, and you should have a note in your database that I am a 'Do not call' because the PRESIDENT of my company contacted the PRESIDENT of your company to make it happen." He responds by asking who it was that did this. I said I didn't even remember the name, and I am not interested in being cold called by an organization that I have already indicated I do not want to build a relationship with. He says he's sorry. I tell him to take care, and hang up.


I am not a mommy. But I had a mommy with the scariest, quietest angry voice you ever heard. I used that voice today.


I feel like a fucking badass.