First of all, I know that I'm a pretty lucky person, and I have a lot to be grateful for.
But I HATE MY BIRTHDAY!
Every year, I look back over the past year, and no matter what I've done, it's not enough. I've done A LOT in the last year. I've experienced huge personal growth that I've worked very hard on. I've made great strides in figuring out my career path. I've gotten a lot physically healthier and I've learned new ways to take care of myself. And I've had an enormous amount of love and support for this to happen.
But I'm still unemployed and terrified I'll never get a job. I don't feel like I know the first thing about men and dating, and wtf I want with my life in that arena. And fuck me if I don't feel like a socially awkward freak almost every time I go out, including last night, when I went by myself and could have EASILY met a ton of people. I had an in. I could have just said "hey cute guy I just met, who's organized a meetup at this event, and who's spent 10 minutes talking to me, introduce me to your friends." But I just wasn't in the right space to make it happen. My brain just wanted me to get the fuck home. Ok - get some tacos and then get the fuck home.
This is not where I thought I'd be at this time in my life. I really thought I'd have it figured out by the time I hit my 40s. I was so, so wrong.