So last week was the Big Visit to see my ex, this is the guy I dated when we were young and we never really got over each other.

So, not to bog everyone down in details I will give a quick recap:

The trip was everything and more. He was so amazing and wonderful and we got along perfectly. We discussed many times that we weren't going to have sex, but ended up having really amazing/tender/intimate/awesome sex. He knows my survivor history and was always really attuned to that. We had to go out and buy condoms after the first night because he didn't buy any, because he really thought we weren't going to have sex. He bought gluten free food for me and brought me breakfast in bed. One night we fell asleep listening the Brahms while holding hands. He literally held my hand the entire time; walking, driving, cuddling etc. He is the only guy who has ever really 'gotten' me and he thinks that I'm the coolest, even though I always think he's cooler than me. His mom adores me and was so happy to see me again. All his new friends liked me. He took me to amazing places and was the guy I always thought he could grow up to be.

Now I'm back home and it really sucks because we're still at the same place we were: 1400 miles apart and doing completely separate things, trying to figure out our mid 20's. There is so much potential there and in our talks we both admitted that we weren't ready for what we felt. Sigh. I'm so fucking scared he's going to break my heart again.

While I was visiting, the guy I was casually seeing at home texted me (this is the I'm going to come over and make you dinner and while we're making out I'm going to tell you I don't think I can see you anymore without becoming emotionally attached guy). It was super satisfying to be like 'uh yea, I'm out of town'. We were going to meet up and Talk About Things, but now I'm coming down with something and rainchecked.

I promise I do lots of other stuff with my time, but GT is the best place for me to dump out all my romantic whathaveyous.