Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery

tw: death

So this morning I get up and there is an ambulance and three cop cars up the street. Of course the cops are blocking the one-way of my neighborhood. Fifteen minutes later the ambulance has left, so I go to the gym. As I drive by I see a car by the cops have the driver’s and passenger’s windows busted out. The car is still running (you can see the dampness behind the tailpipe from condensation).


It’s Honda Fit or something like that, something that tends to be a young person’s car. I figure probably one of the many teenagers in my neighborhood pissed off another one or something.

Well, on my way home from the gym I can see the other side of the car. Cops still there, mobile crime van as well. Definitely a dropcloth covering a dead person in the driver’s seat.


I get out of my car and a neighbor is telling me that it’s obvious someone shot out the windows of that car to kill that person. I respond that we would have heard the gunshots. And of course they are all “NOT IF THEY HAD A SILENCER!!!”

I lost my temper on this stupidity. My neighborhood is boring and safe. The rare occasions that the police have been called have been for things like someone’s boyfriend showing up and getting in a fight with her husband, or people overreacting to loud music. Not murder.


Anyways, I told this person they were fucking stupid and watch too many crime shows and buy into the Faux News bullshit about how we should all be afraid all the time.

And then I went inside and took a shower.

Here’s what I posit happened:

1) the temperature got down to like 7 degrees last night

2) person gets home from somewhere

3) person falls asleep or passes out drunk in the car

4) either the heat didn’t work/was turned off and they died of exposure or they had an exhaust problem and accidentally suffocated. Shit, they could have had a heart attack or aneurysm.


5) another neighbor comes outside this morning and sees person in car. Being concerned, they call the police. Police and EMS show up, and EMS busts windows of the car to get to them.

It’s not some secret hit job designed to assassinate a person in my neighborhood. Fucking idiots.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter