1. My ex boyfriend joined a cult. I don’t know what cult. I got a text message asking me to forgive him for all the things he did (you know, like 12 years ago). Saying he has found peace and a new mother by absorbing the energy of cosmic stones. I told him to buzz off.
  2. My friend, who we are always trying to convince to stop Googling her dates (she will find something stupid to hate about them before she gives them a chance), Googles this guy she’s had like 3 dates with. He was weirding her out, she broke it off. Turns out the top Google results are that he was on the lam in New Orleans for a few years under a few aliases, for BEATING HIS EX FIANCEE, KIDNAPPING, AND FALSE IMPRISONMENT. Guess how much time he spent in jail? 18 months. 4 years on the lam and all those charges, and he got 18 months. Next set of Google results: he was in Playgirl in the 90s. All right, friend, keep Googling. You win.
  3. I was late running a work errand because there was an armadillo under my car. I didn’t want to murder it, obviously, but what was I supposed to do? Touch it? Poke it? Instead I just ran around my car yelling until my neighbor helped me.

And now, I’m going to eat a pot brownie and do some sketching. I have a certain commission for a certain GTer to get going on!