- My ex boyfriend joined a cult. I don’t know what cult. I got a text message asking me to forgive him for all the things he did (you know, like 12 years ago). Saying he has found peace and a new mother by absorbing the energy of cosmic stones. I told him to buzz off.
- My friend, who we are always trying to convince to stop Googling her dates (she will find something stupid to hate about them before she gives them a chance), Googles this guy she’s had like 3 dates with. He was weirding her out, she broke it off. Turns out the top Google results are that he was on the lam in New Orleans for a few years under a few aliases, for BEATING HIS EX FIANCEE, KIDNAPPING, AND FALSE IMPRISONMENT. Guess how much time he spent in jail? 18 months. 4 years on the lam and all those charges, and he got 18 months. Next set of Google results: he was in Playgirl in the 90s. All right, friend, keep Googling. You win.
- I was late running a work errand because there was an armadillo under my car. I didn’t want to murder it, obviously, but what was I supposed to do? Touch it? Poke it? Instead I just ran around my car yelling until my neighbor helped me.
And now, I’m going to eat a pot brownie and do some sketching. I have a certain commission for a certain GTer to get going on!