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Inane Sexual Frustration

There is this dude. (Let's just be honest, GT. I mostly talk about dudes here. Sorry. There seriously is more to my life, I just can talk frankly about dating and sex here.) We have been dancing around each other for years but things have never worked, and honestly, I don't want to date him. He has a lot of issues and needs to work his shit out on his own. But we have massive chemistry, which has been acknowledged explicitly for years now. We've never done more than kiss, though.

So, about two weeks ago, I get a Skype call from him out of the blue. He misses me etc — we have this conversation every once in a while. I was going to be in town this past weekend, so I said we might grab a drink (as we do when I visit town).

He tells me he'll take Saturday night off. He works in a restaurant, this is kinda a big deal, knowing his schedule. It is pretty much understood that we are gonna bone. I am so horny it's ridiculous, I've been on touch withdrawal since things ended with my last dude, and the anticipation is crazy.


Saturday rolls around and we're trying to figure out plans. He got scheduled for work in the morning, so he could have the evening off, and... his coworker doesn't show up. So he pulls a 12 hour shift and finally gets off of work around 9pm. We decide to just watch a movie with pizza and a bottle of wine. I am so pumped, because this means we don't need to drive places when it comes to sexy time. My period ended on Friday, so we are good to go. I have two condoms in my special condom-pocket in my wallet, in normal and Magnum, because I don't know how big he is and I never assume a dude has them handy.

We start watching a Futurama movie on my Netflix, because we're nerdy like that. We make out for a bit, it's wonderful — we're really compatible in terms of preferences for that kind of thing. He's really good at this and I'm sooo ready. He hasn't seen this movie, though, so we pause to finish it.

By the time the movie is done, he is clearly in great pain.

He has a migraine.

It is not going away.

We did not get to have sex.

Dammit I am so frustrated.

He might be visiting for Halloween, so... maybe?


On a more amusing note, he is really good friends with my (awesome, cool, chill) cousin, who goes to the same university. I have a lot of cousins all over the place, it was bound to happen at some point. He texts my cousin, "WAIT, [Lemonade] is your COUSIN?"


My cousin, bless his heart, knows this dude*. (And knows me — the last time I hung out with cousin, I was waiting for a FWB to join me at the bar). His response: "Dammit, [Dude], did you fuck her?"

Dude (with my collaboration) responds, "Promise you won't be mad?" and lets my cousin stew. Then he follows up with "Just kidding."


I assert that Dude should have responded with "I've been trying for two years, man!" but Dude did not find that quite as funny as I did. (Post-migraine onset, so we knew it wasn't happening that night).

*Dude is very popular with teh wimminz and has been for years. Despite this, he's carried a torch for me since high school to one degree or another, so... I win?

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