It takes me a loooong time to shop- so long that most of my friends and family don't want to go with me anymore. I do it not because I'm indecisive about the product itself- I just get very anxious when it comes to spending money. Money doesn't come easily to me and I get nervous when it flows back through my fingers, no matter whether it's an investment like good shoes or something frivolous like a hamburger.

For instance(s): I spent four days researching which kind of crock pot to buy on Amazon and didn't buy anything. I spent three hours hunting for two pairs of shoes online for which I only spent $40. I scavenge whatever I can from thrift shops, I stream when I can't afford to go out (I'm an actress so it's particularly bad), I have never gone grocery shopping in under an hour because I circle the store at least twice and very rarely buy non-sale items. I try to spend under $160/month on groceries.

And yet even spending this amount of money makes me really fucking anxious. Student loan bills and therapy bills eat up a huge chunk of my cash. If I throw in transportation, a tight food budget, gym fees, and medicine this leaves me with only $200/month left over. That's %10 of my monthly wages left for saving and spending and washing clothes and emergency cab fare. These days most of that money gets spent on replacing my worn out clothes, because although they're cheap I save them for years and years. Thank God I'm still on my parent's cell phone plan. Thank God my work pays my insurance premiums.

Life is too expensive, y'all. Hopefully with all these gigs coming in + increased pay due to a wage-theft lawsuit at work I can afford to not be nervous. I installed a budgeting app but it's just depressing me at this point. Maybe I need a second job...but now that I'm getting more gigs a second job might get in the way...I'll probably just try to fill more shits at work if things don't change soon....I dunno....

Do you guys have any tips on budgeting/ making a part-time job (and possibly two part time jobs) work with an artist's life? I only make about $2,000/month and the rest of the time I'm supposed to be freelance acting/writing the rest of the time, but right now that part is not even close to sustainable.

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P.S. I'm not complaining about my money cuz I used to have it worse. When I first moved here and had a super cheap rent I didn't even have food security. We've been poor/working class most of my life and most of my parent's lives (and so on and so forth). We were actually homeless for a bit when I was really little and even though my parents are currently on the lowish end of middle class they're still pretty much the richest people in the family. I just don't know how to not be poor cuz I never learned it, and I really want to know how not to be anxious about it.