Dear Impossible Client:

You know, if you say I’m off the project and you are no longer my client, you should probably stop e-mailing me (or cc’ing me on e-mails) about the project. Because every time you do that my agency charges for my time.

I’m fine explaining small things (although I did address them in a transition letter) but the big stuff? This is no longer my problem folks. Are there loose ends? Yup. That’s what happens when you let me go halfway through the project*. Put on your big boy pants and deal with them.

*Because I (or my agency) cost too much. A whopping $5k over 4 months (all of which has been reimbursed by a third party mind you) is too much on a project that will cost upwards of $450k when everything is said and done.

Client, you are doing me a favor since the entire project has been one long clusterfuck. Every time I sorted crap out you stepped in and fucked it up again. Have fun with that!