or: โ€œI might probably be losing my mind.โ€

Last Friday, as part of my training for my new job (WOO!), I had to take a class on domestic violence (warning signs, what questions to ask a person, etc.). Part of the class was a video. The person instructing the class said that the video might be disturbing, but having never been triggered by anything like that, I just went ahead and watched.

Big mistake. Big. HUGE.

Not thirty seconds into it, my eyes get to watering, and I have to excuse myself from the classroom, when I begin to sob uncontrollably. I had to be shuffled off to some coordinator, who asked me if I wanted to be excused from the class. But I told her I was fine. I made it through the class, but I did it under a thin veil of anxiety, which lasted the entire day. It was very not pleasant.

And today, when I get home, I have a call from a realtor. I went to one of his open houses (I happened to be driving through the neighborhood with my mom). He was seeing if we were still interested in the property. Anyone who has read my previous posts knows that I just closed escrow on a house a little over a month ago. Also, there is the part where I could never in a million years afford a $1,675,000 home. I suddenly felt so guilty for wasting 5~10 minutes of this poor guyโ€™s time, that once again, I found myself crying for no fucking reason.

I really wish I could turn my feels off. They seem to be causing me far too many problems.