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Insurance trolling?

Disclaimer: The following is presented as an anecdote that I found, although vaguely frustrating, slightly hilarious in the oh-golly-gee, welcome-to-Kansas sort of way. Let's focus on the ridiculousness, shall we?

As some of you know, we got hitched over the summer.

​We'd been living together (in sin!) for about a year beforehand, so the process of identifying things that need to be combined, or important documents that need to be shared, did not occur during the Big Move In as it might have, had we married at 22 like proper middle-American citizens. (Does anybody else see Middle America and hear Middle Earth? I'm just waiting for Sauron to jump in an punish us with a creepy eyeball, or maybe some orcs.)

​I'd been buying my insurance privately, as I do not work full-time for any of my three employers. (I adjunct. We counted, the other day, and I'm up to approximately 30 hrs/week, but this does not come with its own insurance, obviously). His insurance had an obscenely short grace period for adding a new person to the policy post-wedding, and we missed it because of drama with our cat's urinary tract. It was vaguely annoying, but no big deal.

​The next add period was in October, and took effect on January 1.

​FluterDude has the habit of not doing important things. (Because ... work?) He will not to those important things for extended periods of time, and often, I end up cleaning up the aftermath, if it relates to my life. It's another one of those things we're working on improving after the Big Move-In and the Legalization of My Nagging.

​So he added me to his insurance policy in October, and I was waiting it out, to make sure that it actually stuck, thinking ... hey, my insurance is expensive and kind of lame, but I have it. I'll just leave it there as y'know. A backup. In case something goes FluterDude.

(Dearest GT, Please do not tell him I said that. "Going FluterDude" is a phrase that I've employed to make it palatable when my otherwise lovely husband does something that makes my day kind of ... shittier than it needs to be. It's true and totally apt, but it's one of those things you only tell a beloved friend because it would make him droopy and a little sad.)

​Yesterday, it seemed as if things were going to come together with insurance after all, and I was in a ferocious mood, which means GETTING SHIT DONE. One of the shits to do was calling the insurance company and canceling my policy.

​I gave them the info and explained that I needed the policy to end, and the customer service rep gave me what I now suspect was a mandatory company line - "Oh, well, we're so sorry to see you go!"

​I explained that I wasn't going, so much as I was being put into a group policy held by the same company. She got a good chuckle out of that and was super glad they were retaining my business in some way! And then she went to enter my info and officially close the policy.


"... yes?"

"Well, it seems your policy was set to close on January 1. Because of ObamaCare."

​I was caught a little off-guard, because I sort of ... assumed? my insurance company would, y'know let me know they were canceling my policy? Maybe it was naive, but I assumed that if a massive gub'mint change was going to impact me personally, the assholes who take my money monthly would maybe say something. (I now wonder if they would have waited to tell me before or after I sent the cash in January - or if I would've just found out when I went to the doctor in mid to late February, and then spent several weeks trying to track down my electronic payment for refund.)

​The lady on the phone must've interpreted my surprise as anger, because she was quick to switch from, "We're so sad to see you go!" to something more like, "We hope you won't blame [Company Redacted]. You should thank your Muslim president."

​And then she said it. The thing I've never, ever heard anyone actually say in real life, ever, even though I've spent the majority of the last decade in red states. The thing you're not supposed to say to strangers. THE THING YOU TOTALLY NEVER SAY IF YOU'RE A NEUTRAL, THIRD-PARTY CUSTOMER-SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE, EVEN IF YOU SERVE KANSAS, BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT NO EFFING CLUE ABOUT THE AFFILIATIONS OF THE PERSON YOU ARE SPEAKING TO.


That lady on the phone? She said, "Thanks, liberals. THANKS, HUSSEIN OBAMA."

​Guys, I for real, for real, for really real ... live in flyover land.

​(... Help me plan my escape?)

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