I'm not going to bullshit around with false modesty: I'm smart, funny, bilingual, a decent conversationalist, with an interesting job, tales of adventure and I'm not completely terrible looking. Is it really too much to ask to have sex with someone else who is also smart, funny, interesting and not terrible looking? Look, I don't think I'm the most impressive person in the world, but I'm not awful and yet, I can't seem to interest any of the people that I find interesting. To clarify, there are people interested in me, they're just not people that I happen to be interested in and the few times I have caved and gotten involved with someone just because they liked me, I became a miserable person and the situation turned bad for everyone involved.
I am trans.
That complicates things.
I get that not everyone is interested in seeing a trans girl and personally, I'm not that interested in guiding someone through the whole soul-searching process of deciding that yes, I actually am as interesting, cute, and funny as they found me the minute before I told them. I'm also not interested in guys that are specifically interested in trans girls. I understand having to take some time to get used to the idea, I understand not being comfortable with the idea, but I don't want to feel indebted to the guy for finding it in his heart to go out with me despite my history. I have a lot to offer here.
What has precipitated this particular rant? you ask. Well, I've been in this city for a little over two years now and since I work for myself, it's kind of tough to meet people, so I joined OKC. I've gotten a lot of bizarre messages, but also some very nice ones. I've been on a few dates, but none of them were interesting enough for a followup (note: I don't reveal my status unless I'm actually interested, I work in a public arena and if I'm not interested or they're not interested, there's no reason to put that information out there). I've been a little horny lately and started looking for a hookup.
There are a lot of sketchy dudes out there so I figured a couple would be better. I like guys and girls and since a couple already has each other there's less of a chance of getting entangled in something I just wanted to keep casual.
I found a couple that seemed to be sincere and mature about the whole thing. They were specific about not looking for any kind of triad or poly arrangement and they didn't seem to be sleazy swingers (no headless photos and no phrases like "let's play").
We met, we seemed to get along, I told them about my job (something I don't like to do if I'm not interested), we exchanged numbers (something I also don't like to do if I'm not interested) and when I got home, I sent them a message explaining my status (something I definitely don't like to do if I'm not interested—by the way, I am post-op, so there isn't a penis phobia issue involved). I got a message back saying they had a good time, they understand why I didn't tell them right away, they'd totally be interested in hanging out again, but things had gotten complicated between them and another girl they were seeing.
WTF? I mean, look, I get it if they changed their mind about me. I get it if they have issues going on and don't want to get involved with another person, but I thought we were all pretty clear about our goals here. If I had known they weren't interested in having sex, I wouldn't have told them about my job, I wouldn't have given them my number, told them my history or spent a couple of hours chatting at a coffee shop. And if they did just change their mind, I wish they would have just told me.I can't even tell you how many times I've been blown off by people who thought I was smart, funny, and interesting just before I told them my history. It pisses me off, but I get it.
Now I feel like I was either meeting under false pretenses or that they're lying to me to alleviate their own guilt or not hurt my feelings.
Either way I feel incredibly led-on, angry and depressed.
Dating while trans is difficult, but seriously, am not even good enough to fuck?
I want to send a them a shitty message venting all of this to them, but it won't do any good. I mean, it might make me feel a little better, but I know that I'll just come off as bitter. I also can't really talk to any of my close friends about this, so this is kind of the only place I have to get this off my chest.
Thanks for listening. Stories about Ok Cupid dates that turned shitty or grousing about not getting laid, are welcome in the comments below.