I hate everything right now. Also, PMSing.
My sister is currently visiting. She said she feels sad being in the house now that my mom has passed away, but I feel like she has literally been spending every second doing everything but spending time with us. Last night: plans with friends and once she is home she is "working" and refuses to talk. Today: plans with a friend all day. Which she originally invited me to. Then she said she wanted time with the friend to "catch up" and had me read a book on her ipad (this is after basically waiting around for her friend to show up for hours). Then as they are finally leaving she pretends that her plan the entire time was to spend all afternoon just with her friend, and that I shouldn't come because I wouldn't like a different friend they are hanging out with. LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK. ALL I SAID EARLIER WAS THAT I DIDN'T CARE WHAT SHE WANTED TO DO I JUST WANTED TO HANG WITH HER AND THAT'S NOT EVEN FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH. NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT SHE IS LEAVING TOMORROW FOR A DAY TO HANG OUT WITH OTHER FRIENDS, WANTS TO LEAVE TOWN EARLIER THAN SHE PLANNED AND WANTED TO GO BACK HOME FOR ST PATTYS WEEKEND TO BASICALLY PARTY WITH HER FRIENDS. THAT WEEKEND IS MY BIRTHDAY BUT REALLY WHO GIVES A SHIT. UMMM AND BEFORE SHE LEFT THIS AFTERNOON SHE SAID I COULD JOIN HER AND HER FRIENDS FOR DINNER IF I WANT. THANKS FOR THAT, AFTER LYING TO MY FACE, CHANGING YOUR STORY AND REPEATEDLY BLOWING ME OFF, I BOW DOWN TO ANY CRUMBS YOU THROW AT ME.
ADD TO THIS: I HAVE NO FRIENDS HERE AND IVE BEEN RECOVERING FROM A CAR ACCIDENT THIS WHOLE LAST MONTH. AND IVE BEEN LITERALLY DICKING AROUND THE LAST WEEK, WAITING FOR AN EMAIL ABOUT WHEN (IF???) THIS INTERNSHIP WILL ACTUALLY START.
A CAVEAT TO THIS IS THAT MY DAD HAS ALSO MADE PLANS THIS WHOLE DAY SO ITS BEEN PRETTY IMPOSSIBLE TO HAVE TIME WITH THE WHOLE FAMILY. I AM JUST SO SAD AND PISSED... DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I WANT TO MEET UP WITH HER TONIGHT, ALTHOUGH I GUESS I SHOULD. I JUST FEEL PATHETIC AND SAD. IT'S LIKE SHE'S 16 AGAIN AND HER FRIENDS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD AND WE ARE WORTH NOTHING. AND SHE KEEPS BRINGING UP THE FACT THAT SHE WON'T SEE US ALL SUMMER BECAUSE SHE'S MOVING TO CANADA SOON. I JUST HATE EVERYTHING AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.