I feel like I keep coming here and writing about sad things. I don't have a lot of happy things happening lately, so I'm releasing one more bummy story into the internetz. I think I need to write a happy/interesting/thought-provoking post later this week.

I went bridesmaid shopping today with my roommate for her wedding. There are only two people, me (MoH) and another girl. Of course, the other girl is exactly the size samples are made for and here I am, floating in the 20 size range. Of which there were 3...THREE dresses in the whole store I could try on. The bride was trying to be helpful, but I felt so stupid. The consultant kept pulling size 16 and was just saying I could 'put it on and imagine how it will look'. I got to the point where I was so annoyed with her that I put the dress on as far as it went (so over my shoulders) and walked out of the dressing room. How the fuck can I 'imagine' what they look like when the dresses don't even sort of fit? I'm obviously not the only fat American, so why can't samples come in sizes bigger than 16?

I'm basically a-okay with my size. I dress well, and in a flattering manner. But there's something about public dress shopping that derails ANY confidence a person has. It's almost like the stores should just be called hahaha fatty lets shove you in ugly colored satin and make you hate yourself. HFLSYUCS for short. So, I ordered a dress without trying it on. Trusting the sample size girl and the bride didn't pick a dress that will make me look terrible. And I had to borrow the $150(!) from the bride because the dress is going out of style and won't be available much longer.

I think I need more fat friends, so I have some people who understand how shit-tastic this experience is.