The official situation is apparently that he thinks I'm wonderful and perfect, but isn't mentally and emotionally capable of being in a relationship with someone or being in love with someone else. But whatever the reason is, it still boils down to, I'm in love with someone who isn't in love with me and I just feel like the most pathetic lame girl ever (breaking down and sobbing about it in front of him yesterday didn't help this).
But it's not pathetic, right? I didn't do anything wrong, and I'm not less of a person because he mentally be with another person right now. It's just that I'm pining and I feel so freaking lame on top of all of the sad. As Bobby Singer would relate*, I'm 10 pounds of sad in a 5 pound bag. I just feel so stupid for wanting someone that doesn't want me. But I can't just magically freaking turn it off after 6 years of dating and being in love, you know? I'm doing all the stuff I should be doing - finding hobbies and getting out and journaling but I feel like I'm just sitting around waiting to fall out of love with someone and how the hell does that even happen?
*P.S. I'm halfway through season 7 of Supernatural, and what the hell is up with this season? Six was awful, but at least they didn't kill off all of the characters I liked! Bobby! Cas! Come back!