Maybe not "victim blame" but maybe another phrase or word? Maybe too judgey or insensitive? Here's a bit of backstory as to why I'm thinking about it:
So I've mentioned before about me thinking of taking down my current Facebook and making a new one. One reason is because I feel like it may be nice to get a fresh start and I don't necessarily talk to a lot of people on my Facebook on a regular basis. I don't talk to most of the people I went to high school with except my best friend and maybe one other, and occasionally a few others from time to time. I don't talk to a lot of people from college anymore (I expected this to happen) except for maybe 4 people and it's been almost 3 years since I've graduated. I've just been thinking about people I'd want to maintain friendships and relationships with and I'm thinking about this person in particular.
Anyway, there is one friend that I was roommates with the summer before my last semester in college. I was having a lot of issues with my dad at the time (we have a tumultuous relationship) and I discussed things with her 'cause they kind of came pouring out. I also discussed my mom and all the backstory with her and my dad (that he was emotionally abusive to her and me) and how she still talks badly about him. I don't remember exactly where I was going with the whole conversation because I was very upset at the time, but she basically ended up saying something like "Well, your mom shouldn't really be that way because she was the one who married him and had a baby with him". Basically she was saying my mom made her bed, and she laid in it, and she chose to stay with my dad for a long time, so she shouldn't be talking crap about him.
Now, the only thing I may agree with is that my mom shouldn't really say a lot of things to the extent that she says them. It's been 10 years since they've divorced, so sometimes I wonder why she continues to say all of these things. I do feel like it may be a case of her being bitter still, but I can't say for sure. However, my dad constantly does things that are just crappy. I'll say that. So in reality, I don't blame my mom for being frustrated when my dad does things and it affects me, because she is trying her best to be a good mother and defend me when my dad fucks up.
I'm not sure why my friend's statement is something I've been thinking about lately. I suspect it's because other things she's done and her lack of communication with me recently has me thinking that she is probably not someone I'll be maintaining a friendship with and since I'm deleting this Facebook, I don't see myself having her on the new one. I didn't think what she said was wrong at that time, but now I think it was insensitive and didn't come from a good place.
Oh and she is in counseling psych program...We both studied psych in undergrad. Go figure.
Some people I studied psych with say shitty things sometimes and it makes me wonder how they give therapy to clients.
I have a knack for making friends, but then losing them even when I do my best to be a good friend to them. It's one of those things I've been slowly learning about over the past few years. I realized I don't keep many friends because most of the friends I make usually want something from me, so for me it's best to keep only a few.
Anyway, kinda rambled but there you go.