Turns out trying to get your life together, even in small ways, is terrifying.

I’ve been out of work for a long time now and my self-confidence is shot so a couple of weeks ago, in an attempt to get things moving again, I signed up with an organisation that puts people into voluntary work. I was (probably naively) hoping for something low stress, or low responsibility. Something where I was supervised and that might ease me back into being a functioning human being.

I was interviewed and now they’ve sent me some “volunteering opportunities” which involve more responsibilities and independence than when I was in paid work. Plus I would be somewhat responsible for the well-being of others, which is laughable since I can barely take care of myself most of the time. If I’d seen this “opportunity” listed in a job ad I would have skipped past it immediately as something I was utterly incapable of.

And I get it, it’s not worth their time to bring people in if they’re just going to end up hand-holding the whole time. They need people who are productive and who aren’t going to be a burden. I just don’t think that’s me.

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On the other hand... I need this. I’m desperate for some way forward and this actually seems like something that an employer could look at and see value in, especially compared to my previous volunteering where it was mostly busy-work and inactvity. I feel trapped between a rock and a hard place, which is pathetic because I’m 28 and I should be past all this by now. I feel like I’m 14 again applying for work experience and nothing’s changed.

If you have tales of feeling utterly unqualified and everything turning out OK then please feel free to share, I would love to hear them. I have to make this decision by tomorrow morning.