Welcome To The Bitchery

It Begins

My in-laws arrived last night and, so far, things have been okay. And by “okay” I mean that Mr. Nom and I have successfully avoiding rolling our eyes or being baited. “In what ways,” you might be wondering to yourself?

We are atheists and progressives.

His parents are not.

This is not a “thing” for us but it is very much like catnip to my FIL. He literally can’t help himself and the more we ignore his baiting, the harder he tries.

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Over pizza last night, FIL managed to awkwardly wedge in several Biblical references. Like, he couldn’t just respond “chin-chin” with his glass. Nooooo. It had to be, “May you be in Heaven 10 minutes before the Devil knows you’re dead.” Um. Okay. Weird. Whatever. “Cheers!” My parents and them talking about visiting Ireland and something-something Biblical verse that didn’t even make sense in context. Somehow, that diamond that India wants back from the crown jewels came up and I pointed out that it’s not really a “gift” if you’re giving it to your foreign rulers. This was deemed “rewriting history” by my FIL and my MIL chimed in with, “Are we supposed to give the Native Americans back Manhattan now?” *face palm* Later, it was “Check out my Slingbox/iPad connection,” and we were treated to The O’Reilly Factor for the demonstration.

I know what you’re thinking, “Nom, you’re being paranoid. Chill out.

Am I?!

This morning, my in-laws accompanied Mr. Nom to drop ToddlerNom off at daycare. I came downstairs to a quiet, empty house. All I had to do was make my coffee and head out. Bliss. Oh, what’s this sitting on my kitchen counter? The iPad, propped up, while Fox & Friends played.

And that’s why I’m typing this from my desk at work while Mr. Nom plays host to his parents at home today.

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