It's been about a month and a half since the accident and idk, I just kinda wanted to document some of the things I've been noticing. I want to say it's not so bad, but mostly I just have the mentality that no one else will get things done for me and my situation isn't going to change so I might as well just do what I have to do.
First off: dogs fucking hate crutches! Every dog I have passed on the street has gone apeshit at me. Normally dogs are like whatever but something about crutches makes them hate me. It's gotten to a point where I can almost sense their unease as I'm approaching, then they start barking at me. So far no one's dog has attacked me, I just think this is worth noting.
This isn't a perfect rule, but men are more likely to ask me what happened. This could be a gendered thing but I have no idea. Women tend to go on awkwardly pretending they don't notice, which in a lot of respects I'm grateful for. There's really no wrong way to interact with me at this point. I'm not expecting special treatment and I totally understand if random strangers are curious. And honestly I don't even know if this is a gendered thing since I don't get out and about enough to really test this theory.
Back story time: most of my family and friends are in another city. More than once I've been asked if I am planning on visiting home at some point soon. This really baffles me! Not too long ago I was at a sever risk of deep vein thrombosis! Like, just sitting around could have formed a blood clot! I have metal in my bones now and walking up and down the stairs will cause my knee and ankle to swell. Sorry to upset you all at home but sitting on a plane for 4 hours and risking my health and comfort is not a priority! I can't even sit like that for one full hour! I know they care and want to see me, but I'm almost offended at the lack of consideration. I can't even walk without crutches, why would I want to put myself through hell in an airport and on a plane. I don't know how long a broken and cracked tibia and fibula take to heal but I'm also not going to plan any trip on the hopes that I wont be uncomfortable by that time. I never expected this to even be something I'd need to explain.
No, I'm not walking, not that I haven't been trying to. These things take time. And just because I can get to work each morning doesn't mean I can do everything I used to be able to do. Like I said, if something needs to be done, I'll get it done, but no matter how much I wished I was when I was 6, I do not have magic powers. Mostly my dad doesn't seem to understand this, which is upsetting because he was an athlete and he should know better.
I'm in a lot of pain, but I am really good at dealing with it. I've always had a high pain threshold. I'm not boasting about this, just that, I might look like I'm okay or I might be able to get through the day but that doesn't mean I'm not in pain or that I'm choosing to go through my day with all these inconveniences.
Doors are the enemy. I fucking hate doors.
And bar stools. I've never been more aware of the height of a chair before.
Compression socks and stuff are not made for people with small calves and ankles. My childlike legs need blood flow help too =(
I am so hungry! I know it's healing or something
It's really upsetting how inactive I am. I didn't even work out that much, but it's really boring and I'd rather be out doing something or go for a walk or run in my down time. I'd be lying if I said I didn't kinda care about my weight, but mostly it just gets tiresome sitting around.
The scar on my knee looks like an exclamation point because there's a freckle right under it on my thigh. This amuses me and I hope this scar stays around just for this.
As always, what is dead may never die, but rises again harder and stronger.