So, I turned 39 yesterday. And I had to work. And my job is super stressful because I'm a middle manager at a large corporation and so I basically deal with bullshit, egos, and spreadsheets. VIA CONFERENCE CALL FOR 9 HOURS A DAY. So I did that on my birthday. And my husband is in grad school, and it is going fine, but of course he is anxious and he kinda had a mental breakdown last year so he has anxiety attacks. So he's kinda having one now. And I've been home alone all day just playing hidden object games and surfing the net and watching HGTV. And I have to go to my 20th HIGH SCHOOL REUNION THIS WEEKEND. So I feel old and my back hurts and I am not getting laid tonight and I haven't gotten laid in forever and where is my birthday sex or at least some motherfucking cake? At this point, this is the WORST. BIRTHDAY. EVER. (And note, my birthday is September 11th, so I know some shitty birthdays).

So internet- please feel sorry for me and bring me cake and ice cream and puppies and rainbows and dark, dark beer. Thank you in advance.