This is burnout right?
This happened on Saturday night and I’ve been crying ever since:
I went back to the even the next day and it was hard but I had put together a piece that I had been working on for months so I decided to perform it. At first I was told that everything was okay and to just take care of myself when I arrived, but then it turns out that people are angry because abandoning them, even though no one apologized for me for just piling on when I had told them that I needed them to NOT do that too much this year - they just treated it like I couldn’t handle my stress. I spoke on the phone with the main organizer after I folded and sent an email with an apology for leaving (but with the caveat that they were basically in good hands with the volunteers they had) but her words felt canned and insincere: “We’re not mad! Things happen! We appreciate you so much!”. The burnout probably has something to do with me not being able to hear any sincerity in her words - it’s difficult when they can’t acknowledge their own role in what happened. Note that I’ve been helping out with this event for 3 years, covering for some of these people when they were simply away, but now that I needed a bit of a break, well, I’m the jerk who needs to apologize.
They are having a dinner get together today and I’m not going to go which I think is going to send a pretty strong message (it’s not even a thank you dinner - we have to pay our own way... the only “thank you” we get is a picnic...where we also bring something to share...like, you really can’t spend the $75 to treat the 6 members of your staff?) Now hopefully the crying will stop in the next few days so that I can on with my life.