I haven't been doing too well in the past four days. I thought things were looking up, and I was honestly trying to look on the bright side. I'm frustrated, crying, and feel either empty or forcing myself to think it's all ok. It isn't.
I hate work now. It's not even work. I do so much, more than others. And they hinted to basically all of us that we're not getting paid. Ever. I regret taking on this internship. I feel stressed all the time, I feel like it's all bullshit, and I almost think my soul is dying.
But that's life, right? We all have to do things we don't like. We all feel trapped sometimes.
That's what I'm telling myself. I'm not entitled to feel like all of this sucks. I'm looking for a real job. I'm just frozen though. I need to pull myself up by my bootstraps. Tell myself to snap the fuck out of it.
Yet I know I suffer from depression. I've been fighting it, and a bunch of other stuff, for a very long time. I have my doctors. I just feel like all of the fight I have/had is gone.
When I'm empty, I can't do anything. I deny it, because I'm supposed to be tougher than this.
I just needed to vent. I'm not doing too well. Trying to reach out is hard. I donno.