I don't know what to do. I haven't spoken to my therapist since then and she's been trying to get in touch with me. My phone is dead right now, but I normally have my appointments at noon on Tuesdays so she probably has/will be trying again today.

I'm super anxious about it and I don't know what to say. I've been avoiding her calls/texts and responding because of it and it's terribly cyclical; after each failed attempt I get even more anxious. I don't want to stop seeing her or anything, it's just I really didn't have it in me last week to go. I was feeling pretty low and I guess I was afraid of explaining this to her since I was having some suicidal thoughts and I was afraid of being pushed into committing myself or something, especially considering that my husband was away and I was home alone. I know I shouldn't be afraid or embarrassed to talk to her about this, and I don't know if that's even it - I've had suicidal ideation in the past and I've talked to her about it - but I'm still hung up on it.

I'm doing better now and I'm definitely not going to do anything to hurt myself. I'm just embarrassed. I don't know how to fix this. What do I say? How do I go about it?

Thanks in advance and sorry if this is incoherent or rambling.