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Jeb Bush & Rand Paul are Right: Good Dads Stop Kids from Being Assholes

Illustration for article titled Jeb Bush  Rand Paul are Right: Good Dads Stop Kids from Being Assholes

Presidential candidates Jeb Bush and Rand Paul recently made statements on our country’s need for better fathers. Both believe society’s “ills” lie on the shoulders of individuals who lacked strong parental guidance rather than ingrained racism, discriminatory incarceration, and generational poverty. It’s not just absentee fathers, but fathers who do a crappy job. I hate to say it, but they’re right.


Take a look at the some past and current GOP presidential candidates and their families, and you’ll see evidence of poor parenting.

George W. Bush
Father of twin daughters who got arrested for underage drinking and using a fake ID. I could also include destroying America’s reputation abroad, the economy, our public education system, and his arrests from his “younger” days, but so much has already been said. When will the white community stand up and fight the underage drinking in their communities? No one knows.


Neil Bush
Helped fuel the clusterfuck that was the Savings and Loan scandal in the 1980s. He and his brother Jeb got bailed out by the taxpayers. I’d tell you the amount of money for that handout, but it’d probably make you cry. Where the hell was his father? Oh right. Planning the bailout.

Jeb Bush
Also bailed out by taxpayers for his role in the Savings and Loan scandal. Smoked pot during his time at Andover Academy, yet he’s totally okay with incarcerating non-family members for the same activities. Wanted to shame women seeking an abortion and ironically cited the Scarlet Letter as his reasoning. Similar to his brother, Jeb is not a big reader as he clearly didn’t read to the end of his Scarlet Letter Cliff Notes. This is a man who needed a million fathers because he has not led a good life.


Noelle Bush
Arrested for prescription fraud and crack cocaine. A nurturing mentor would have immediately stopped that struggle with addiction. No word on when Noelle will start protesting racism and injustice, but I’m guessing any day now.

Rand Paul
Arrested three times for incidents involving alcohol. Too bad you can’t ask Rand about economic inequality and special treatment from law enforcement because he “does not comment on any private matters in regards to his family.” No worries. He’ll make sure to comment on your private family matters though.


Mike Huckabee
His son David killed a dog. Given how self-serving Mike Huckabee is, it’s hard to tell if this is a result of an absentee father or bad parenting.

Chris Christie
Although he claims to be in charge, he’s not sure if one of his top staffers helped orchestrate serious traffic problems in Fort Lee. Wastes taxpayers’ money while demanding public servants cut back. Doesn’t think government spying is a big deal. This man clearly never had a caring father.


Donald Trump
The Don might have come from a wealthy family, but money can’t buy you smarts or savvy. Smearing an entire ethnic group, specifically an ethnic group that helps keep labor costs low, as sex offenders and criminals is fundamentally stupid. This guy needs a father to tell him to take logic and political science classes.

Where are their fathers?!?!

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