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The War on Christmas is over, Christmas has won. No longer can you say "Happy Holidays" or "Happy New Year" or "Happy Halloween," because Christmas is celebrated all year round these days. But this is the way things should be, because Christmas is an awesome holiday.

King of Christmas is Santa Claus, who is totally bad ass. The picture at the top is a picture I found on Google.com looking up "rad santa," and it was one of literally thousands of pictures of Santa being so cool. His deal is basically he's just being a chill dude that brings toys to everyone. He has a big lumberjack beard because he's ironically being macho but you know he's a real sweet guy.


Santa flies around in a sled pulled by "magic flying reindeer" because why the hell not? He's the boss of a bunch of elves (like Legolas from Lord of the Rings) but instead of sliding on shields and killing orcs, Santa has them working in his factories building toys. Imagine those elves jumping around tossing tools to each other like some sweet parkour juggling hybrid. That's literally one of the coolest things I can think of.

Santa isn't the only part of Christmas that is cool, there are also electric lights that look awesome in the dark. You take a tree (which is normally outside of the house), cut it down, and then move it into your house. Then your house smells like the forest. If that doesn't sound rad to you I don't even know what to tell you. You adorn the tree with shiny bulbs and then even more electric lights and everything looks amazing.

There are special foods you eat too that you only eat around Christmas, like a big old goose and a tall glass of nog. Sitting back with your family and closest bros, putting back a few hot chocs and nogs, warming your feet by the fire, there is nothing better.

But just like anything else, Christmas can't be 100% awesome. There is a lame part and that is Jesus. Apparently way back in the day Jesus was born on Christmas so every year he's got to piggy back off of Santa and be all, "hey guys, its my birthday too." So you also got to make room for some little statues as him as a baby and it totally sucks.


Happy Christmas everyone!

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