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Jingle Bell Toy Debate Intensifies

Washington State (AP) - Republicat Mallow's approval rating nosedived this weekend following his comments on the hotly debated subject of jingle bell toy control.

"The only thing that stops a bad cat with a jingle bell toy is a good cat with a jingle bell toy," Mallow, R - WA slurred drowsily Friday evening during a press conference.


Reaction from the public was immediate and severe. Democatic representative Io was overheard whispering to his stuffed octopus, "Wow, what a jackass. I fucking can't even respond to this shit, anymore."

Pictured: Representative Io moments after realizing that a reporter caught his statement via a miniature tape recorder.

Representative Mallow, apparently interpreting Io's statement as an acquiescence, responded triumphantly during a second press conference ten minutes after his first.


"BECAUSE YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT," wailed Mallow, R - WA. "We have real issues to worry about, today. Homeless cats taking advantage of those of us who have bottomless bowls of food, for example. For every bag of food I get, he gets AT LEAST TWO CUPS OF IT. I'm sick of lazy, manipulative cats taking advantage of those of us who have HOMES. AND FOOD. And you want to complain about JINGLE BELL TOYS?"


Democat Io's only response was this picture, posted to his Twitter feed.

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