I am unemployed and struggling, emotionally and financially. Job hunting takes time, and despite my best efforts before graduation, nothing seems to be materializing, so I’m pretty frustrated. It looks like starting next week, I’ll be couch surfing for an indefinite amount of time, because my part-time stopgap (which hired me in mid-July) just started giving me hours last week, and that’s still not enough to pay rent in my area.

So I was, of course, pretty excited to see my ideal job open up in a nearby city — the candidate they would have hired must have dropped out unexpectedly. Good money, benefits, ideal experience — I knew it would be a battle because my grades for my first year of law school were mediocre (dad was diagnosed with cancer and passed away), but I improved drastically for the next two years. So, with some really good recommendation letters from a supervisor where I had done work substantially similar to this position, I thought I might stand a chance. No guarantees, but a decent chance. I emailed the supervisor yesterday.

She’s thinking about applying for the job herself. From a more prestigious position. (It’s a time-limited position, so her term is ending, but usually people go and do other things after these positions end). She can’t write me a recommendation because that would be a conflict of interest.

Fuck.

So not only do I not get the letter I was counting on, I’m competing with someone who has literally done the job in a more prestigious position.

This one is hitting me hard, I can’t stop tearing up.