I already bought all my 'grad gear' (cap, gown, dress, shoes, etc.), but I'm only walking in the ceremony. I don't graduate until next year, and I feel really sad.
I'm seeing all this pictures of my friends graduating on Facebook, and I just realized that I'm not really going to be one of them this June. The ceremony is in four weeks, and I'm nervous. Also I feel like a failure. Warning: a bit of a pity party below.
The reasons I'm not graduating are that I didn't pick the right classes when I was a freshman (I had a terrible panic attack during orientation and had to go home, so I registered myself-bad idea). I went to rehab junior year, so I had to take a quarter off. Plus, mental health problems that I'm still working through. Also, I had to test out of a language, even though I attempted about 4. Luckily, I don't have to do one, but if I don't get at least a C in statistics this summer, I have to stay a whole extra quarter.
I just feel like I'm this huge fuck up. I know I'm not-I'm smart and love school-but I can't stand the fact that all my friends are moving on and I have to wait. I guess I got a shitty hand that I have to play anyways. I guess everyone has their less-than-steller moments, and this-plus some other things-are just things I have to overcome. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but I can't help it.
I'm sure I'll solider on, but right now I needed to get it off my chest.