2013 has been a weird year for me. A few days before the year started, my boyfriend broke up with me, quite unexpectedly. It was a shock, but it was a good thing in the end, because while I was happy and oblivious he was unhappy and unwilling to communicate with me. I decided to hold off on dating for a while and focus on strengthening the other relationships in my life- with family and friends.
One of my closest friends is actually a guy I met off OkCupid many years ago. We went out once but he told me, at the conclusion of the date, that we would be better off as friends. While I was surprised, I respected his honesty and our friendship was born. He respected my respect, and we have been able to build a very solid friendship. I trust him very much, and I always do my best to listen and follow through with his advice.
A few months ago, my friend dropped a mini bomb on me. He told me that I needed to stop being so passive, that I need to be more confident in all realms of my life. I decided to take his advice, and began experimenting with various tactics. I spoke up more in work meetings, gave more honest replies when my mom would ask me how I was doing, and I even started sending food back at restaurants if it was prepared incorrectly. And holy crap, being open, confident, and honest really simplified my life. I started having better and more meaningful conversations with people, I got moved to a new office at work (one where I no longer share a wall with a rowdy classroom!), and I feel more calm and stress-free because I no longer have to worry about strategizing my social interactions. I just do and say what feels right and simplifying my life in that regard has been fabulous.
So now that I've been able to get my own life back on track and squared away, my friend has been suggesting that I jump back into the dating game. It's been now 9 months since my ex broke up with me and while I was eager to apply my new simple and laid back lifestyle towards dating, I didn't know where to begin. Then someone just fell back into my life.
Seven years ago, in the fall of my senior year of college, I was at a party. I met a guy. He was absolutely crazy- very silly and goofy (example: he and I talked on the phone, in Spanish, for 20 minutes, while we were sitting in the same room). He was so unlike anyone I had met before and I was so completely drawn to him. We ended up sneaking off to an empty room and kissed for a while in the dark. I had never done anything like that before. Kissing a guy that I met that night!? In the dark, while a party raged on outside the door? Never!
A lot of alcohol ended up being consumed at the party and we eventually lost track of each other. The next morning I looked him up on Facebook and found out he had a girlfriend. I was absolutely devastated. We had many mutual friends, but since he had recently transferred to a different school, I didn't really have many opportunities to run into him again. Every now and then, over the years, I would think about him and wonder where he was. I'd do a little Facebook stalking but I never could bring myself to reconnect with him.
About three weeks ago, I was hanging out with some friends from college and I got an invite to a laid back dinner party with some other old college friends. And guess what, he was there. After seven years, he and I were face-to-face. I was a bit of an awkward nervous wreck but I tried just playing it cool. It went well, until we were seated across the table from each other at dinner. He eventually realized who I was and proceeded to stare at me. I really began to enjoy his intense concentration on me, and it emboldened me.
After dinner, someone suggested that we play a game. Since we were all "old" folks (aged 28-3o) we decided to play tipsy truth or dare for the novelty of it. (Can you see where this is going?) Long story short, this guy dared me to do something that I couldn't follow through on so I told him that I'd do it for him in private (nothing too major, but I just didn't feel comfortable doing it in front of the group). We ended up sneaking off, into a dark bedroom, and rather than following through with the dare, we started kissing. It was a complete repeat of seven years ago. Only this time, I followed my friend's advice to be confident. I broke off the kiss and told him I wanted to see him again and that I wanted to do more than kiss. I told him that since he was the one that got away I needed to have him. (I'm such a brazen hussy!)
A few days later, we met up for drinks. And we proceeded to talk for hours, about our lives, our philosophies, everything. Yes, sex was had and it was fantastic, but I felt a major, major connection to him. Later that night, he told me that he really liked how confident I was, that it really helped to bring us back together. All in all, it was the best date I've been on in my entire 28.5 years of existence. The conversation was there, the physical attraction was there, and we both were able to acknowledge not just an attraction to each other but a deep connection.
Seems great and all, right? My life is in order, I've taken charge, reconnected with someone... Someone who was just in town for a few weeks. SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY LIVES 7,000 MILES AWAY OH GOD WHY, WHY!!??
So long story short, I got my life back on track briefly, and now I've been derailed. I'm back being wimpy and passive. Do I message him? How often? Why isn't he talking to me? Sigh. So much for simplicity, huh? He's eventually coming back to America next summer, but until then he's gone. Gone-diddly-on.