I almost admitted to being sexually assaulted in high school to my husband this weekend. We were driving home from the wedding we were at Saturday night and somehow we got to talking about the emaciated 5 yo in Texas and how terrible that made him feel. How he would adopt the boy if he could so the boy would know love for once. He went on to disclose an incident that happened to him as a child. He was 4, playing in the park when a man called him over to show him something. That something was this man's penis. Big bird reported not being very traumatized since he wasn't even sure exactly what's he saw until years later. But he still remembers it. That must mean it's stuck with him.
This was something he'd never told me before. And it made me want to fess up to what happened to me. But I didn't. I was too afraid. I briefly entertained the idea of telling him without telling him who. But then I realized he wouldn't let me off the hook that easily. He'd need to know and it'd tear him up. I'm working up to talking about it in therapy first. Maybe she can help me tell him eventually. She knows about the origins of my low self esteem in middle school. In a week we might be ready to move on to high school. Maybe.