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I have a GT comment that is grey, but can still post. Now that we have established that, let me tell you about Turkey Lady.

You see, we have a seasonal menu at work. I work at a restaurant, one at which you expect to spend ten or fifteen dollars for a meal. This week, starting last Friday, we rolled out the new stuff.

This woman, I swear to everything that is holy, this woman. Orders turkey, no gravy. We reheat the turkey in a pan, with gravy, because this is not Chez Fancypants. Our shit comes frozen. I think this woman is nuts, but it isn't my food, so I make it no gravy. She sends the plate back complaining the turkey is dry.


No shit the turkey is dry, there's no fucking gravy, you absolute imbecile. So! The server cannot deal with this woman. I am on tap. I go out to the table, explain that liquid makes things undry. She tells me to make another plate and she'll see if maybe that one just sat too long, as it turns out it was on her table for forty minutes while she consumed about 4 ounces of soup. Yes, ma'am, your food will be cold and dry after nearly an hour on a table. I make another plate. It goes out. The woman would like to speak with me again.

This time: the turkey does not look like turkey. You know what turkey looks like when it is carved? This doesn't look like that. I am clearly carving it wrong to spite her. She would like to come into my kitchen and get her own turkey. Plus, this turkey is dry.

AND THEN: she tells me that it looks nothing like the picture. I tell her that it is because she specifically ordered food that was not the food that was photographed. And then this woman has the intestinal fortitude to tell me that I must just be a terrible cook, because she had this here last week and it looked just like the picture. TO MY FACE. Because I obviously don't know that we just started offering this meal two days ago somehow? I am not sure where she saw a win in that one.

And the kicker: she still wanted me to cook for her after that. Because clearly although I am a terrible and now terribly insulted cook, it is totally safe to eat my food. I do not think I would ask to eat something someone made after I told them that.

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