This past weekend, I traveled to Pittsburgh with my tea group (because I am a 78 year old woman named Myrtle, apparently) to visit several different tea houses. In between almost dying on Pittsburgh highways (because you people don’t believe in speed limits or turn signals) we had a super nice time!

THEN. Before I headed home on Monday, I decided to go to Ikea. Now, I consider myself pretty well traveled. I’ve been all over the world, and travel domestically for my job very often. I have never been into an Ikea.

We spent about 2 hours or so milling through the showroom, and then the marketplace. It was neat, it was big, it was...a lot of stuff. That minimalist design really isn’t my bag, so I was very pleased to leave the cash register spending about $60 on a new dish drainer and some stackable mugs.

AND THEN I FOUND THE FOOD SECTION!!!!!!!!

It was like a Swedish TJ’s and all of my elderflower-flavored dreams came true in that moment! Little meatballs! Weird jams! Cookies with names I couldn’t pronounce! 1002 different jars of herring! I literally bought like, some of everything! Back to the registers...a little over 200 bones later, my freezer is now stuffed with heart-shaped waffles and vegetable balls.

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What are your favorite Ikea treats, GT?

ETA: I forgot to mention my “Welcome to Pittsburgh” moment! I stayed at the William Penn which is in the middle of downtown. Being a downtown hotel, unsurprisingly, parking was an issue. The parking garage for the hotel was just around the corner, and unlike the garages I’m used to at home, which go up & up & up, this one went down into the bowels of Mordor. The SECOND we pull in, there’s this guy riding our ass. We were driving a Durango—a pretty fucking big SUV—an had to navigate these tight, spiral turns all the way down 5 levels, but we were still going about 25-30 the whole time. Asshole behind us is WAILING on his horn and screaming out his window the whole time. Once we pull out to the 5 lowere level, he screeches up beside us, and continues his demented screaming at my closed passenger-side window. After flipping him off, I began to pantomime crying at him. He LOSES HIS SHIT and screams “You fucking cunt!!!!!!!” at me, and spits at my window. THEN someone from one of million cars he’s now holding up by stopping in the middle of the turning lane gets out to scream at him. We drove away laughing, because fuck him, and Welcome to Pittsburgh.