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Ladies and gents, can we talk about hair? TMI

Like, all of them. All the hairs! The ones on our heads and our bodies and our faces. And the pet hairs that insert themselves into every crevice of the household, if that is a problem you have.

I just wanna talk about hair. How we feel about it, what we do about it. What everyone tells us to do about it. What we don't do about it and why we don't give a fuck. I'm definitely not trying to have yet another Jezebel pubes discussion. Just want to make that clear.


I'm about to tell you about my hair situations, so definitely some TMI in here.

I am a very blonde but also fairly hirsute lady. I shave my pits and legs pretty regularly, but I like to wax them myself on occasion because even though my leg hair be but fair, it is coarse as hell and my legs feel like sandpaper the next day. So ripping all the hairs out from the root every once in a while keeps my legs smooth which is the end goal for me.

What else? I get my eyebrows shaped by threading because that shit is magical. My browz are blond but again, I have a lot of hairs on that area of my body. I do fill them in with powder because I am a trendy bitch and fuck if bold brows aren't in vogue right now.

The nether regions I trim but otherwise ignore because, real talk, no one has ever seen that area but me. When the time comes I will figure that shit out.


Here's where it gets exciting! I have facial hair. And I hate it. So fucking much. I hate that it exists there on my face and I hate that I hate it because society tells me I have to. Women are supposed to be as hairless as a beluga whale every except their heads and perhaps a two square inch patch on their mons pubis, which is the grossest anatomical term that there is.

I dedicate lots of time to removing my facial hair. The mustache I leave alone except for an occasional self-waxing, which is so painful and I am pretty sure has made it grow back thicker and fiercer. It's very blond but definitely noticeable - we're not talking peach fuzz - but I try not to care. The patchy beard is another story. I tweeze it pretty much constantly and it is a terrible habit, approaching a compulsion. It irritates my skin, I get ingrown hairs. It really sucks. I spent a lot of money and many painful hours doing electrolysis to zap the hairs into oblivion (back when I was employed) and it barely made a dent. Still, the first thing I'm going to do when I have a little expendable income is get my ass back in the zapping chair because I hate the beard. HATE IT.


I feel extremely lucky that I've gotten very few comments on my hirsutism. The only one I can think of was back in high school, when some mean dude said, "Hey Edith, did you know that if you weren't blond, you'd have a thicker mustache than me?" Yeah, fuck you. There was also the time I was babysitting and the little boy leaned against my leg, which had been shaven earlier that day, did a double take, and said, "Whoa, you're spiky!" From the mouths of babes.

So uh, yeah. That's me and my hair. I've been wanting to talk about it for a long time about this, so I hope we can all let our hair down (yeah I did that) and have a good discussion.


ETA: I forgot about the greatest hair of them all. One time I discovered a three inch white hair growing out of the lower right quadrant of my forehead. No word of a lie. I immediately pulled it out and it hasn't been back.

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