In the dating world, the people are represented by two separate, but equally important groups. The weirdos who message me, and me, who laments about this shit here. These are my stories.

I only have one good one for you today. I received a typical first message from an aspiring suitor that ran along the standard vein of politely letting me know I'm awesome (true facts) and announcing their interest in possibly asking me out. Our sentence structure was not the greatest, but that's okay, right? Could still be a decent dude.

We have an 89% match percentage, but 20% enemy rating. That's gotta be a bad sign. I flipped to his "Questions" page to get the nitty gritty. First problem I spot is that he wants kids. And sorry, random dude, but that's a no-go for me. But I kept scrolling because why not? And then...

He would not date someone who's bi, is a-okay with racist jokes, and thinks creationism should be taught in schools.

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And then there's this.

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I have so many questions.

He starts with women and ends with girl. Are these referring to the same hypothetical person? Is he asking for a stacked woman with a boobs outlook on life who gets that he enjoys carrying corporeal girl children? He also loses the ability to proof read and switches from first person to third. Did the thought of women who meet his physical standards overwhelm him, causing him to lose control? Is he chastising the reader for not being willing to listen to all points of views? Is he looking for someone with a personality that's the tits?

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In any case: