So, my grandmother died and now my mom has turned on me. Like, full-on, claws out, toxic horror. She has threatened me with legal action, but I’m not sure why. She needs a copy of the death certificate for making burial arrangements and I was a little slow getting it to her. By slow I mean maybe a week late. My bad, but there are reasons and it isn’t that late. As far as I can tell the worst case scenario is that the interring happens later than originally slated.

She texts me at 2am telling me that this mythical attorney is going to “review the last years records for financial and all property that hasn’t been turned over to [her] willingly.”

1. I was named in her POA as her Agent and guardian and conservator if she becomes incapacitated. One of the things this granted me is that I could make decisions about what to do with her property. (The POA is called “Durable Power of Attorney,” but does not state that the powers granted extend past death.)

2. As far as next-of-kin, my mother is the younger of the two surviving children.

I doubt she has consulted an attorney. Her text shows as coming through around 2:30am and there’s a good chance she was drunk. She likes to threaten legal action when she feels powerless. I also don’t really think she has any sort of leg to stand on. If she wants to review the finances all she has to do is consult the memory care facility. They took care of all that with a client trust account.

I want to make sure I’m clear on all of this. 1) Property of hers that I redistributed (gave away when she moved into the memory care facility) can’t be demanded because that property legally changed hands when I gave it away. 2) If there were some question that came down to next-of-kin it would start with my aunt, the elder of the two daughters.

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I want to make sure my ass is covered, but I also want some ammo to throw in her face when she puffs up at me. It will look nice next to all of the awful (and kinda crazy-sounding) text messages I have backed up. Vindictive is not my baseline, but I’m willing to make an exception.

The really sad part is that she has forever torpedoed our relationship. She can see Little GV, but I’m not making any effort (not driving two hours to see her, not paying for a motel room if she wants to come here) and I won’t have anything to do with her.

Because grief isn’t enough to deal with on its own. Jesus, she’s awful.