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Let's have an awkward conversation...

About fertility, and the lack thereof.

I can't have children. I'm two months shy of my 27th birthday, and I've known since I was 20. That's partly the reason all of my relationships have ended, as men do want children, I promise. This new guy I'm seeing has his own issues, so neither of us can have children. We're okay in this decision, and have been humming along rather happily.

My reason for posting however, is how family reacts to this information. My mom is surprisingly okay with this, as is my father. His mother has already told him we need to see a doctor, because we are 'broken'. She is expecting grandchildren, as he is an only child, and obviously someone has to continue his lineage. Easter brunch was incredibly awkward today, since I haven't seen a doctor and he doesn't have health insurance, so he certainly hasn't. Mind you, it's been three months of dating (we've been close friend for years). His mother is quite okay with just asking, straight out, how the baby making is coming along. It's extremely uncomfortable for me, and makes me very sad about something I don't even want! It makes me feel like less of a woman since I can't reproduce. I have so much going on, and the added stress of being 'damaged' is only adding to my issues. He has been so great in this, asking his mom to stop and making sure I'm doing okay. But it's still rough. I hate feeling like damaged goods, and I hate that someone just blatantly thinks it and says it out loud.


I've tried the snarky comebacks and one liners, and the polite but firm No's. It has gotten me no where. I really like this woman, she's absolutely lovely in every other regard, it's just this. She takes us to lunch, helps him pay his bills when he needs it, and would do anything for the two of us. But this is killing my love for her, and makes me want to crawl into bed and never leave. I had to take two Xanax just to get through brunch today! I'm losing my mind and don't know how much longer I can do this. I love him, I do, but I'm in such a fragile state emotionally, I don't know how to handle this anymore.

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