I got back on OKC this week and started talking with this really cool girl. I wanted to meet her but, but then I started thinking about how I really need to talk to exGod* and that made me think of Sokka and THAT made me start to cry, which I have been doing on and off for the past four hours, which made my self esteem plummet and my anxiety rise so...no. I don't think I'm ready. It wouldn't be fair to cool girl.
Hopefully she'll want to be friends though. That would be really nice of her.
Oh, also The Girl I Like(d) is officially on my shit list. She not only waltzes in to work with her cheating jerkface ex, she buys me donuts and while we are sharing said donuts she proceeds to tell me about how they went on a date and how she's totally not going to fall in love with him anymore she just needs to fuck him until she gets him out of her system. Which: a) is not how that works, b) what the fuck are you doing to yourself, c) WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO ME? ? To recap- this is the girl who I had a crush on, who told me she liked me but needed to work on herself and her issues re: jerkface before she could think about dating anyone, but who disappears and then a month later comes back and tells me how she dated this other dude, and then when she and dude broke up she fucked her ex. She's playing some sort of weird, sick little game with me and I'm fed up. We started out as friends but no one should ever do that to a friend.
So...yeah...I'm not ready to date because issues. Mainly because I'm still in love with my ex and it still hurts.
*exGod and I hooked up last month. Then he said he wanted to get back together. I said no, I care about him but ultimately we wouldn't be good for each other. We are still friends but I can tell he's not healing and not giving me space to heal either because now I'm getting confused...so I have to put us in time-out.