Welcome To The Bitchery

Rant, kind of about caretakers, but careens to mansplaining.

First off, is anyone else having problems with the groupthink page through direct access? Even through going through Kinja hosted blogs listing page, I get a Kinja error.

Anyway, I've had an hours long argument with a friend of mine who was basically telling me I'm not living, blah, blah, blah... And he's right. There are reasons, he doesn't understand. That's fine. He then went on how sad it was that I didn't have as many people as he did that I can rely on to do whatever they could to help me.

First off, the people he relies on are not people I would ever go to if I needed help. But that's not the point. I don't rely on people. I don't count on anyone to make an effort to help or follow through. I manage my expectations and don't ask people for things that I know they are incapable of giving me.


I think it has a lot to do with my caretakers/parents as a child. Things are a little better now with some of them, but I was left to my own devices for most of my childhood. Sit in my room and entertain myself. When I have asked for help, it was rarely given. But they were generous with what they thought I should have (oh hey every type of artistic/dance/musical lesson imaginable, hi Les Miserable when I was 8 on a school night). Basically, I was probably given everything but what I needed. Combine that with moving every year or so and not ever being able to sustain any meaningful relationships for any period of time as a child, and I'm a pretty closed off mess. I rely on my family a lot still, but I don't count on it being there, and am constantly planning for the worse case scenario.

And he kind of understands, but really doesn't. And it's infuriating to keep being talked at about my life that he is a part of 2% of the time. It's extra infuriating that he thinks I shouldn't go buy a car by myself without someone to tell me what to think about a car. It's nice he thinks I should get a reliable beater and learn to fix it, but shit. I'm about to get a second job, and will not have time for that shit. And I don't want to be a slave to my vehicle.

TL:DR So tired of people telling me what my life is, who I am, what I think, and why I think it.

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