I’m going to try to not rant here. The basics are that I’m at a point of a lot of change in my life—basically anything not nailed down is changing. I’m at a transition point in my career that will probably involve finding a new area in my chosen field, which is already a huge change since my career trajectory and goals were pretty static before this for the past 10 years. But at the same time, I also have a lot of other things I want to change around things like personal relationships (I need to get into dating seriously), major life choices (whether I prioritize having bio kids, or whether I just date and see what happens—I’m 35 so if I do the bio kid thing I need to move on it), life goals (I want to lose weight and get a dog at some point amidst all this other stuff). This is a lot. The only thing that’s not changing is where I live, but I also have lived here almost 10 years and I need to do A LOT of de-cluttering before I can get a dog and before I’d feel great about bringing a new guy home.

So this is a lot of change, especially for me, who is not very into change even generally speaking. I don’t even like iOS updates.

The other issue is that, while I’m lucky to have some really great friends in my life and even close work colleagues who genuinely care about me, the attention and concern is just getting to be too much. I feel bad even complaining about this but I seriously just can’t take any more “how are you?” concerns and advice about what I should prioritize (dating, work, dog, weight), not to mention disapproving comments and sighs when it’s clear my priorities or actions aren’t aligned with what any given person thinks. And I apparently have a very different view of many things, particularly career-focused things, than do some of these people. And of course it’s valuable to get others’ thoughts, but it’s too much.

So I have come to ask for advice on how to get other people in my life to stop giving me unsolicited advice. I’ve had some success with shutting it down entirely by just explaining “I don’t want to talk about this” when things come up. But then it only lasts a very short period of time and the well-meaning but unwanted advice and questions return with a vengeance. I just want to be able to spend time with people without the concerned judgment. I know I’m being too sensitive about this but MY GOSH. Why is everyone in my life so entitled? Well, not everyone. My family is not. My parents are really good about this stuff. But apparently no one else had such parents and everyone thinks that it’s totally fine to butt into other people’s business and even when it literally does not affect you in any way.

Perhaps there is no way around this and it’s just the nature of having people care about you. I don’t at all mean to be ungrateful for that.


Tl;dr seeking advice on how to get people to stop giving me unsolicited advice/prying. (The irony, I know.)