The last few years have been hard for me. My wife was ill. Shit was complicated. Finances were terrifying. Even before that, it’s not always been easy for us financially. The last year though, it’s been pretty great. Recent job stress was distracting (I had to interview for my own job and lay some people off due to downsizing). So now that’s all settled. Finances are good. I’m lucky. Very lucky. Like I feel like a jerk I’m so lucky.
Job is good. I’m healthy. I live in a great place that I love. Things are stable. Boring stable even. Life is good. I’ve been having fun and doing things I’ve always wanted to do. But some days, I struggle to relax and enjoy it. I still feel my blood pressure shoot up when I check the mail. A hold over from worrying about bills. I still worry when I check my bank account balance even though I KNOW it’s ok. I feel guilty about splurging on a starbucks. I’m waiting for the next disaster. Everything is fine, but my brain can’t accept it. My brain is almost bored without non-stop stress and craziness.
Such a strange thing when I used to have it so shitty and now it’s so good.