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My husband and I added to our list of life lessons this evening when we tried to bathe both pit bulls at the same time. Not that this would be mainpaged, but no mainpage.

As a combined 120 lbs of wet, annoyed, determined dog pushed against us, we realized that this was another one of our truly ridiculous and poorly thought-out ideas. And then we remembered all the other ridiculous and poorly thought-out things we've thought since we got married and bought this place. I am going to share them.

1. "Eh, that looks like enough rope/paint/wood/mulch, we should be fine not measuring" is a phrase that has NEVER worked out in our favor. We have also never fully learned from our mistakes. MrEleanorAquitaine has spent the last three days trying to hang a hammock in the backyard, and we've made three trips to walmart for more rope.


1B. "I'm sure we can fit these adironack chairs into our small car."

1C. "I'm pretty sure we can fit all 400 pounds of beef we just purchased in our freezer. It looks like it should fit."

2. "It's 5 pm on Saturday night. Let's start a plumbing project!" This one is particularly stupid. Especially when you end up breaking a piece of something or other and have to take it to walmart to figure out 1) what it is and 2) what we need to do to replace it, and you end up not having running water for two days.

3. "I'm just looking at the dogs on petfinder because I'm bored. I know we can't have another."


3B. When I say "Let's just go to the shelter so we can look at all the doggies, it's not like I'll come home with one!" I am probably not being honest with my husband or myself and he should just keep driving.

4. "We don't need to crate train this poorly adjusted rescue dog who fears everything!" (This idea only lasted about 2 days, thankfully.)


5. "No, we don't need to hire our own termite inspector! We trust the seller that his guy is being honest."

6. "Sure, let EleanorAquitaine try to grow plants from seed again. For the seventeenth time. When she has never successfully done this. And let's spend like $100 getting all the gear she needs to make that happen!"


7. "I didn't spray the couch with bitter apple spray this week. Oh well, I'm sure the dogs won't chew another hole in the cushion."

7A. "The dogs destroyed their dog bed! Let's go buy them another." This led to buying another bed...and another...and another, until we decided that a blanket on the floor will do. They seem happier with this, so maybe the destruction was a message we just weren't getting.


8. "A plastic measuring cup fell into the bottom of the dishwasher. Eh, I'm just going to let it go through another run because I'm too lazy to pick it up." We regretted this when the plastic melted and the entire house smelled of burned plastic for a week.

9. "Let's store this piece of really old metal in the middle of the garage floor for three weeks instead of taking it to the dump so I can trip on it and have to get a tetanus shot."


10. "This box for this ikea thing we're buying is really banged up. Let's not open it up to see if the product inside is still good."

11. "We need to finish this painting project. Oh well, let's call it a night. We'll just get back to it tomorrow." (It's been two years. We still haven't finished painting our bedroom.)


12. "We can totally move this enormous, really heavy treadmill/bookcase/mattress to the second floor on our slightly twisted staircase without help!"

13. And, a thought my husband STILL continues to entertain: "Let me use this black shoe to smash a bug on our white ceiling."


14. "I don't really care what kind of bathroom fan/shower head/painter's tape we get. Just get whatever is the cheapest." We can hear our bathroom fan from every room in the house, we have had to return three shower heads, and there are still sticky marks on the ceiling from the painter's tape we got on clearance at Big Lots.

ETA with MrEleanorAquitaine's help!

15. "Let me sit on this bathroom vanity to adjust a light bulb. It totally won't crack."


15B. "Let me put this red, cheap, waxy candle on the white vanity. It won't cause a stain that refuses to be removed with love, money, or cleaning products."

16. "This house has been vacant for the last six months. Let's take a shower and run lots of water. There won't be a leak in the basement."


17. "Let's put off raking up all the leaves. That won't kill all the grass beneath them."

18. "I can use a kitchen chair instead of a ladder to hang Christmas lights! I'm totally tall enough!"


19. "I can totally kill that tiny unwanted mimosa tree growing from our porch all by myself!"

20. "We can grow grass in our shaded, sandy-soiled back yard without watering it and while letting the dogs run and poop all over it! Just throw down some seed!"


20B. "We finally have grass in the back yard! Let's let the dogs run all over it—they won't dig anything up!"

Learn from our mistakes, people. Anyone else have these moments?

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