I think this is a repeat of this season's premiere, but I thought it might be hilarious to live blog it, retrospectively. I'm a shameful glutton for this kind of tv, y'all. It's the marshmellow fluff of the tv smorgasboard. It's delicious, doesn't do one good thing for you, but you crave it at 2AM, anyway.. sometimes with peanut butter.
At the Beginning: Flavor Flav is still.. himself. Who the heck is the sourpuss with him? Hell. Can't blame her. I'd be insanely crabby if I had to be in a room with him.
CATELYNN AND TYLER FROM TEEN MOM. WHAAAAAAT.
Oh, god's tits, these two couples are meeting. Flav, in all his child rearing wisdom, says they took a gift away from their child.
Who's next? Who's next? Who's next? Chingy? What is Chingy? How can I root for or against you if I have no idea who you-.. oh. Should've figured. Rapper. It boggles my might that this person makes a living spittin' rhymes, yo, and can't speak intelligently in an interview. His lady partner seems nice.
Of course Flav knows this dude. OHGOD. I JUST TYPED 'DUDE,' AND FLAV SAID 'DUDE.' I CANNOT USE THE WORD 'DUDE' ANYMORE.
... Chingy's version of romance. Talkin' to his lady partner, "We're gonna play a game called the jeweler. You're gonna be the lady saleslady (his words), I'm gonna come buy jewelry, and we're gonna have sex."
No way. NO WAY. It's Joe Francis.
Man, his girlfriend suffers from an eating disorder. That sucks.
Naturally, Flav loves girls gone wild. "What man doesn't like porn?"
Whhhhhhy are these teenagers in "couple's therapy" with crazy pants adults?
No more couples? I feel like we..
You did NOT just tell your lady partner to "Make the bed, so you can go do important work." Asshole, Joe.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand he called her a ******* *****. I'm assuming that is 'ducking quack.'
Oop. Boring introduction to the staff.
It wasn't brave of any of those people to come to this show except for Tyler and Catelynn knowing they'd be stuck with a den of crazy people. Oh, and not brave because paid. There.
Tyler says it's gonna be intense. Yes 'cause Flav.
OH. Speaking of Flav. His job is "like 85 moms' jobs." What?!
(I really hate commercials. I should probably learn all the other ladies' names so that I can stop referring to them as 'lady partner.')
Temple? I think Temple is Chingy's girlfriend's name.
It seems a brilliant idea to send them bowling.
LIZ! Flavor Flav and Liz. They're currently "not talking" and having an argument at the same time. It's magic!
Catelynn and Joe's lady partner are letting Liz vent. I'm not sure about what.
Dealing with Flav is like dealing with a 16 year old. She's giving 16 year olds too much credit.
Aaaaaand now she's hiding underneath a table. Tyler sums it up. "What the fuck?!"
Who is this random person Flav is talkin' to about biting dogs? (A metaphor for his son, I think.) There was something about how he wanted to be a father for his son (with her) but doesn't he have like.. mucho kids with baby mamas and the like?
We're one meltdown for unknown reasons in, and I'm ready for this to be over already.
Aw, nah, Tyler. You didn't just say Liz should've known better about who she was hookin' up with. (Admittedly, this is Flav.)
HA! Flav has ESP. (I prefer ESPN, thanks.)
I'm with ya, Flav. I have no idea why she's crying in the bushes either. Unless the bushes are prickly or have bees.. then I get it.
*Preview for the next show*
Too fast. TOO fast.
"If you think I exploit women, then Steven Spielberg exploits actors." GUESS WHICH BRILLANCY SAYS THIS?
NEW COUPLE! Dustin and Heather from the Real World (Las Vegas part two, I think.)
Gosh, lots of crying.
Happy montage time.
Dr. Jenn (the head honcho) says this is an unbelievably courageous group. Hm. We will see. I still don't know Joe's lady partner's name. Must find out.