Well, have I got the place for you!

Just a li'l personal castle, nestled serenely (read: pointy and somewhat threatening) in the forest of Woodstock, CT. At only 11 years old, this gorgeous and imposing facade has all the amenities you could want or need: waterfront views, spires galore, and a basement-dwelling torture assistant.

Address withheld, because obviously, one cannot be too concerned about looking ostentatious.

For a mere $45,000,000.00, all this could be yours:

  • 18,000+ sq. feet of living space
  • 8 bedrooms
  • 12 fireplaces (any fewer would be uncivilized)
  • 7 full baths, 3 half baths. We won't speak of this clear oversight in lavatory facilities
  • 3 car garage. Likely also a magical carriage cum gourd
  • a moat (no word on whether there are threatening creatures in said moat, but I hear the striper in northwest Connecticut can have quite the attitude)
  • a glass turret (pictured below)
  • Lots of marble and granite
  • Spiral staircases. Plural!
  • Oak! Mahogany! Furniture in the shape of hands!

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No word yet on if the Egyptian sarcophagus or attending Orientalism fetish straight the hell outta the late 19th century is included in the purchase price.

See the complete listing here.