Well, have I got the place for you!

Just a li'l personal castle, nestled serenely (read: pointy and somewhat threatening) in the forest of Woodstock, CT. At only 11 years old, this gorgeous and imposing facade has all the amenities you could want or need: waterfront views, spires galore, and a basement-dwelling torture assistant.

Address withheld, because obviously, one cannot be too concerned about looking ostentatious.


For a mere $45,000,000.00, all this could be yours:

  • 18,000+ sq. feet of living space
  • 8 bedrooms
  • 12 fireplaces (any fewer would be uncivilized)
  • 7 full baths, 3 half baths. We won't speak of this clear oversight in lavatory facilities
  • 3 car garage. Likely also a magical carriage cum gourd
  • a moat (no word on whether there are threatening creatures in said moat, but I hear the striper in northwest Connecticut can have quite the attitude)
  • a glass turret (pictured below)
  • Lots of marble and granite
  • Spiral staircases. Plural!
  • Oak! Mahogany! Furniture in the shape of hands!


No word yet on if the Egyptian sarcophagus or attending Orientalism fetish straight the hell outta the late 19th century is included in the purchase price.

See the complete listing here.