Uh oh, I'm in a man mess. So my mister of about 9 months has been getting increasingly standoffish. Not in major ways, just thinks like not inviting me out with his friends or picking up his phone for social media-ing first thing in the morning on our sleep-in Saturdays (we don't live together). So last week I told him that the ways in which he continues to enforce distance between us are starting to wear on me. And I admit to having a little bit of a fit about it. He says that he knows and he sees it and he doesn't want to be that way but is afraid of something that he can't identify. I told him that I have had enough of his "wanting" and I need to see that he's really taking some ownership of our relationship. Then I apologized for my tantrum. He then told me that he wanted to come over but couldn't stay because he had other plans >:(

The next day I asked him what he thought it would look like to be better about this and what he thinks he'd done in the last 24 hours to show me that what I said mattered to him. He said, "nothing." Like that was a reasonable answer.

The next day he told me that he needs some space to figure out why it is that he feels stuck and that he can't get all in on this. He says this is not "a break" just some time to calm the waters and come back ready to be the partner he wants to be. I believe that is something that you should always be able to ask for in a relationship and that should be honored and not punished. But that doesn't mean it isn't really scary. Mostly, I'm afraid of myself. I can be spiteful and right now, because I am feeling so vulnerable, I am only concentrating on the things about him that bug me. How do I remain open-hearted through this?

So, that's that. Any advice? Comfort? Good words of caution?