Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery

What are you Jezefriends making/made today?

What I'm making:

Potato gnocchi with sage cream sauce
1-2 russet potatoes boiled as for mashed potatoes
1 egg beaten to within an inch of its woebegone life
1/4 tsp black pepper ground fine, fine like yo ass in Apple Bottoms
1/2 tsp sea salt. Why sea salt? Because we are snobs; aren't we now?
2 dashes garlic powder. Two. Not more, not less. Two. Two being the number. And the number being two.
1/4-1/3 cup all purpose flour. Oh, if only it could fill all the purposes. Alas, it works well here.


Mash together potato, salt, pepper, garlic powder, and egg.
Sift (okay, not really just jokes, sifting PFFFFTTTTT!) flour over mashed stuff, mix quickly. But don't OVERMIX LEST YOUR CHILDREN BE BORN NECKED.
Now, roll that mix out onto a lightly floured surface. Your table is fine, so is your Boyfriend, wink wink.
Roll into snakes like you are in kindergarten and competing with the snotty nosed bogey eatting brat next to you.
Once rolled to an even diameter snake, oh let's say, half an inch, begin cutting them in one full inch increments.
Take each tiny, inert flaccid segment, much like your boyfriends (Luv ya!) and roll it against the back of a fork. The purpose of this is fully important and non-negotiable. You must make the ridges in the gnocchi. The sauce must adhere to something.

The sauce:
Whatever the fuck you want.
Butter (der)
Cream (double der)
Garlic (minced, pressed, or chunked your choice—just recognize that whichever you choose, Eric Northman is still dead and can get no deader)
Sage leaves, or dried sage you cheap, cheap bastard


Melt butter, add garlic PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF WHATEVER do not burn this. Add cream. Stir. Stir. Stir. Stir. Keep this up until you've reduced both the sauce and your patience. Add sage. Stir. Done. Try not to fuck your stove top, you'll want to, but don't. It burns.

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