So maybe I bought and read French Women Don't Get Fat because my fourth trip on the low-carb merry-go-round has (surprise!) ended in me falling off of it again.

I'm now all, "Oui, oui, baguettes for me."

I'm also eating slow delicious lunches in the sunshine, which is great. And buying better food, which is great. And making lemon and shrimp linguine, which was great.

And my clothes are super baggy (I'm not checking the scale for a month or two, so I don't know what that means in terms of hard numbers) and that's great.

But my biggest hurdle so far has been making my own yogurt. The first batch turned into curds (which were delicious, but were not yogurt). And now I'm waiting to go home to see if Batch #2 turned out.

That said, whatever your feelings about Mireille Guiliano may be (I like her โ€” she's a bit snobby, but that's her brand, no?), let's be clear about one thing: no matter what she has claimed โ€” both in print and video โ€” she has no fucking clue how to make yogurt.

Oh, she can talk about yogurt. And she can eat yogurt. But looking at the way she confusingly gestures to the Donvier Yogurt Machine (that's mine! Yay!), it is clear she has never actually gone through the process of making it (called out, Mireille!).

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The way she says, "We eat... one yogurt a day" with so much smugness is my favorite. But then she starts reading the labels and just goes, "Fuck it" when she goes over two ingredients (which is fair โ€” yogurt is literally two ingredients).

But now, see her here with a stock photo pointing at the machine she claims to own. Where is the machine, Mireille?

Here it is:

Yeah, she has no clue.

I mean, I get it. She's super rich and has worked very hard all of her life. But girl, stop pretending. You have TWO videos claiming that you know what you're doing and you don't.

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Maybe I'm just defensive about my first batch.

Anyway โ€” anyone else make their own yogurt?